Photo Talk & An Update

Good morning, my Dears! I'm afraid this blog is becoming a photography blog, which is fine by me, I just hadn't thought of it like that until recently. I suppose it has always been one, because I just can't post anything without a pretty picture. But, of all the hobbies that I enjoy, photography is my favorite. I like knitting and sewing. Sewing more than knitting. I crochet because I want to make something cute, not because I enjoy crocheting. I cook because I like good food. But what I enjoy most is taking photos of all of it! I hope I am getting better at it. Taking pictures of still things is easy, but taking pictures of wiggly boys is much harder! I love getting tips from great photographers, like my friends Casey, and Brittany, and my cousin-in-law Briana.

These photos are from this morning.  I stepped out onto the patio barefooted. It was cool and fresh out there. I had moved all the furniture onto the grass to clean the patio and so the rain fell on them. I love how a black wrought-iron table can look shiny and brilliantly beautiful in the morning sunlight, all thanks to the large aperture I can get with my 50mm 1.8.

The patio was dirty and had creative artworks in areas where boys got artistic with colored pencils. So we got into our swim gear, armed ourselves with new sponges and dish-soap, and had a major slip-and-cleaning-slide. I'm so thankful I didn't have to rush anyone to the ER - it was not exactly a safe activity. I had images of smashed, bloody, mouthfuls of missing teeth flitting through my mind in between reminders of "Be careful!"s to the Rowdies. But, we all survived, and now the patio is all beautiful! (And isn't it funny that I don't have a single pic of the actual patio after all this patio talk?)

 

I don't just clean patios for fun, ya know. We are moving! In two weeks! We are leaving Texas forever, as well as 10 years in the military as Active duty. My husband got a civilian job in the Minneapolis area where the majority of our family members live. Thank you for your prayers, they worked! We already know the parish we are going to belong to, as well. I have been there a few times while on vacation. It is wonderful, and Grandma & Grandpa go there too. Yay!

I'm soooooo excited! We are looking for a house. Our permanent house. The one I want to grow old in. I don't ever want to move again, ever. Can you blame me? Since marrying my husband, we have moved...seven times. Seven times in nine years. I can't even think about it without feeling anxiety in my gut.

So I will never think of it again. This last move is a very happy one. Army contracted movers will pack up all our stuff and drop it off at our new place. Very soon we will be settled and I will be able to grow a garden and maybe have chickens!

I have many expectations for how life will be without the dark cloud of the military lifestyle over my head. I know there is no way to be prepared for such a major lifestyle change. I will try to just let every day come and see what new things it brings.

Enjoy being together. Enjoy being with family. Enjoy meeting new friends.

Enjoy belonging.

Got a shellac pedicure for Mother's Day and some new shoes. Love 'em both! 

Pattern Review: 5 Stars for the Charlie Bag

I am not an expert seamstress. Everything I make is an experiment, so I really like quick and easy projects. A month ago, one of our homeschool moms (check out the gorgeous costumes she makes, on her blog) taught all the homeschool girls how to make a reversible bag. I had to get in on that. I was the only Mom sewing a bag at the workshop, but I learned so much! We sewed this cute, reversible, bag.

My reversible bag.

Hobby Lobby has got me so in loooove with their beautiful new-isch chevron fabrics. They carry them in all sorts of fun colors, like the yellow, beach blue, burnt orange, lime green, rainy day gray. My dear friend is moving, so I thought I would make her a cute bag, because what girl doesn't love a handmade, fun, and colorful bag for the warmer months? I googled a little. I wanted to make the handles be part of the bag, not sewn on separately. I found exactly what I wanted, and I paid $0 to get it. My gratitude to everyone out there who isn't trying to make money off of every little thing they make.

Enter: the Charlie Bag, from Very Purple Person. I give this pattern five stars for both simplicity and style. I'm in love!

I usually make a million mistakes sewing a project for the first time, but I made like ZERO this time. I think I had to seam rip only once for 1 inch, which is basically zero mistakes for me, because usually I have to seam rip the whole thing.

The process was easy peasy.

 

 

The seam allowance was 1/2 inch. I thought that was huge, especially in the straps, so I made the seam allowance in the straps a bit smaller, maybe a bit larger than 1/4 inch. (I'm really bad with numbers, so just wing it!) I'm so glad I did, because turning the whole bag through one strap was hard enough. I'm glad I left the 1/2 inch seam allowance on the body of the bag because I had enough room to trim it using my pinking shears. How do you trace darts? I had no clue, so I googled and learned this great trick. Genius!

I added a cell phone pocket. This it the one thing I think every bag needs. Of course, once you add the pocket, it's not reversible anymore, but I don't mind that anyways.

 

And the happy recipient. =) Perfect gift for a dear friend.

Eating, Watching, and Reading

My computer's been down most days. I erased all my fun photo programs off it because I was thinking maybe they were causing it to run badly. There isn't much to write about because there is way too much to write about, so I'm just going to show you some of my fav. pics of the week.

 

Baby loves his little notebook.

A gluten breakfast. I am going gluten free (GF) around here. These pancakes were for the kids, because I had nothing else to feed them. It hasn't been that difficult for me. You know I love my artisan breads, and I LOVE baked goods, but after doing research and hearing from so many people that a gluten-sensitivity could be causing my migraines, I'm all for trying it. I'm going for six months. It guess it can take that long for your body to start seeing changes, although it's much shorter for many. The past two gluten-free weeks, I've been charting all my food and headaches. The headaches have lessened in severity. That is all I can report for now. It hasn't been long enough to see lasting changes. If you are interested, this is the free video I watched on gluten-sensitivity. Very eye opening. I believe it is true. It makes sense to me. You can check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5ppuzNUzsc

In addition to GF, I also am trying to eliminate all toxins, by not eating anything that is packaged or has crazy ingredients that I can't pronounce, and especially not all the sneaky and misleading names MSG is hidden under. Another great video here on that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoV-fI4uIFI Many organic and "natural" products have it. Anything that says "natural flavor" is a no-go. And that junk is in everything! Drives me quite nuts, but I feel like it's time to take it seriously and avoid it as much as I can. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't cure my headaches. The rest of my body will benefit either way because I'm eating so many more fruits and vegetables.

This is baby at baseball practice. He skipped his afternoon nap and fell asleep on the way there. And stayed sleeping on the blanket. It was in the mid-eighties with a cool breeze and I always sit next on my blanket on the grass, under the only shade on the field, the shade of the dugout. I do have to watch out for incoming baseballs though, but so far, so good. =)

We've been enjoying some Netflix documentaries. I only activate Netflix a few months out of the year to save my money and not be a TV-junkie. The ones the kids and I really liked are:

National Geographic: Lewis and Clark: The Great Journey West
National Geographic: Appalachian Trail 

I found out that the 2004 Saint Therese movie is on there, so I watched that myself. It is just called Therese on Netflix.

As for reading, I devoured Regina Doman's newest Fairy Tale Novel: Rapunzel Let Down. I also am reading a book aloud to the kids that I bought a couple of years ago from Magnificat. It's called The Wonders of Lourdes. The beginning is the story of St. Bernadette. It is very well written, perfect for reading aloud to my 7yo, and so worth your money because it is about 3 inches thick! I am enjoying it so much, I want to read ahead. I have never studied Lourdes so much, but you know what? I have a gallon of Lourdes holy water in my house. My husband hauled it back from Lourdes years ago when he was in University overseas. Lucky us. =)

I've been posting lots of my pics on Instagram. If you have a smart phone, I highly recommend it. It's a fun, quick way to share your photos with either just your friends, or the public. You can find mine here: instagram.com/swissmaedel

That's all for now! Blessings & Happy May!

Caterpillars and Climbing Trees

This past week we've been enjoying cooler temps (that's in the 60's, for you in the north) and sunshine after the rain. We escaped to our favorite park for some tree climbing and caterpillar observation. I couldn't figure out what kind it was...I google and googled, but none of the images I found match this caterpillar. I thought it had the coolest colors.

 

We found this hole in the big oak. We've been reading about flying squirrels and owls that use tree holes for shelter.

A little more climbing, and then off to play with friends. Another fun day out in nature, where Mama feels best.

Baptism and Burial after Early Miscarriage

It's been a crazy week. I just don't even know where to start, and I'm not very poetic, so I'm just going to be straight-forward like I usually am. =) After my super excited happy little announcement on April 1st, I was feeling so great. I was so excited. I just love being pregnant and I love babies. Then one day last week, on April 10th, at 6 weeks 4 days, I got up to use the bathroom like I always do and saw that I was bleeding.

Sigh. Not a good sign for me. I'm very regular, my pregnancies are very much by the book. I knew it was not good. I already had a paper-work appointment scheduled for that morning. It was supposed to be my happy first baby appointment where I maybe got to hear the baby's heartbeat. I was really looking forward to it. Ugh. I don't want to relive everything, so I will just keep it short. Like I suspected, I was miscarrying. I had an ultrasound which showed a little empty sac inside my uterus. I went home. Spend the afternoon on the couch with mild cramping and a killer migraine while the children watched videos. By the time my husband came home, I got up to use the bathroom. I was about to hop into the shower, when the sac fell out onto the floor. My heart sank. I knew it was all over. We scooped up the gestational sac. My husband and I both knew that that sack contained somewhere within it, the tiny cells that made up our little baby, no matter how small he was.

We googled and then we baptized our little baby. I found these instructions helpful on doing a conditional baptism if you have a really early miscarriage, like mine. I wouldn't have even thought of baptizing our tiny baby, if one of my friends hadn't mentioned it. I'm so glad we did. In case that PDF ever goes away, here is what you do: You take the gestational sac and open it, so that water can flow inside and touch everything. In baptism, the water has to touch the person, and since many times you cannot see anything that looks like a baby, you just open it and let the water touch everything. You swirl it gently in the water (any water, doesn't have to be holy) and say: "If you are capable of being baptized, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."  

The next morning we called our parish. Another friend had told me that our parish will have a little burial service for miscarried babies, and I had noticed the plaque by the Mary garden the week before. I have heard that many local cemeteries do burials for miscarried babies as well. Our priest told me to find a little box to bury the baby in and to think of a name for the baby. I bought this tiny little box at Hobby Lobby. I made an embroidered cloth. We decided on a name. Even though I really was hoping that this was our baby girl, after having three boys, all my babies are just "he" until I find out. We named him Kolbe Michael. Kolbe after St. Maximilian Kolbe, a saint my husband and I both admire and whose name came to both of us at different times. Michael after St. Michael de Sanctis, whose feast day is April 10th, the day our baby died.

We took him to the Rosary garden where the unborn babies are remembered and buried. It was a real little funeral. Up until this point, I hadn't cried much, but after the ceremony was over, I cried.

I had to go back to the hospital the next day for a follow-up ultrasound. It was a bit stressful for me. It was annoying to wait in the waiting room and then to have to tell them I miscarried, and them asking me how I knew for sure that I miscarried. (? Medical people.) But I had anxiety for nothing, it was okay and the nurses were actually very nice and tried to be empathetic, and one of them told me of her own two miscarriages.

The whole day I thought about my little Saint Kolbe Michael, who was now in heaven, praying for me first of all and then his Daddy and his brothers. But I also thought so much about how I was just pregnant, and now I'm suddenly not. How I was supposed to have my happy little baby growing inside my safe womb, but how it was now empty and there was nothing there now. I looked at my flat tummy in the mirror. It made me sad. I would be okay during the day. I would keep it together, but at night, when I laid down to try to sleep, I missed my baby so much. On Friday evening, I got up out of bed, my 2yo sleeping next to me, and I went to the bathroom with a box of kleenexes and I bawled my eyes out. I just let my body shake and sob and grieve after my little baby who I would never get to hold in my arms, at least not in this life. My little boy or girl who would never get to wear this cute hat my friend made for him. A hat I will save until another little brother or sister can wear it. This little hat, is the only gift my baby Kolbe ever got, and it makes me so happy. It gives me joy to look at it. It reminds me that he was real, and that every miscarried baby, no matter how small they were when they died, or how invisible on the ultrasound screen, every baby deserves to be wanted, grieved after, baptized, buried, and remembered.

The next day my friends took me out for breakfast. They gave me this beautiful yellow pot with a really cool succulent, the Remember rock, and an envelope of wild flowers that I can plant for my baby after I'm done moving. Even that morning I was sad, but I didn't have to cry so much.

Sunday was a bit difficult. It was the first time I went to Mass after my miscarriage. I don't know why it was hard for me. I was just sad. But I thought of my little baby in heaven, looking down on us, and I thought how great it is that he doesn't have to be in exile on this earth, struggling through life, experiencing sadness, heartbreak, and bad things on the news. No, he is already in heaven with Jesus, experiencing great joy and never forgetting his Mama and his Daddy and his brothers.

To remember our fourth child, Kolbe Michael,

• We will celebrate his feast day, the day he was born into heaven, every year on April 10th, with a Mass and birthday cake. 
• We will make a little Christmas ornament for him. 
• We enrolled him in the Shrine of the Unborn at the Church of the Holy Innocents. It is free. 
• We will talk about him often and ask him to pray for us.
• When we're done moving, we are planting a Mary garden and he will have his own little section.
• I also want to plant a tree in memory of him. A tree his brothers and sisters can climb on and pick fruit from.

While I was grieving, I just suddenly felt like I wanted my whole life to be private. I felt so vulnerable. I shut down my blog and erased my feed and cancelled all email subscriptions. I just didn't know how I would feel about a random stranger reading this story. It is so personal. But then I thought about other miscarriage stories. After my baby died, I went online, I found my facebook friends and asked them what they did. I had to know their stories and hear their words of encouragement and hope. I found stories online too, on blogs that I was a complete stranger to, and I read about people I have never met, and their stories of loss and grief made me feel a little better. They made me feel that I was not so alone.

So my blog will stay public and when things like this happen, I will feel compelled to share it, because I cannot go on blogging about my newest fun recipe or a project I finally finished, without also telling you about this personal bit of my life.

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