I Know Who I am

It has just been a little over a month since my husband came back. Time is going slow. It has been a bumpy ride. I don't know why I thought the scattered pieces would fall right back into place again after he came home. I knew it would take time, but somehow one can never really prepare for the changes involving a deployment.  I am the one who has been having the most trouble adjusting. I was in high-stress mode for so long that I forgot how to relax once he came home. During the 11 months of chaos, I forgot a little who I was. I'm sure you know the feeling. You feel out of sorts, not quite yourself, and you're not sure how to get yourself back. With the help of supportive people in my life, and my husband most of all, I feel like I am back to feeling whole again. 

Did you pick a word for 2013? Mine is:

The key to feeling whole is being at peace with yourself. It means contentment, joy, happiness, peace. Most people do not have these things in life, and many go through life never feeling these things on a daily basis. I want every day to feel whole: content, joyful, happy, peaceful. That is how God wants us to be. I think the biggest reason we do not feel whole is because we are not sure who we are in the first place. 

I have always been a confident person, thanks to my Dad, who always taught his only girl that she is a daughter of the Most High King. But this last year really tested me. I tried to do everything I could to make my children feel whole. I even tried doing the one thing I could never succeed at: being their father. So I focused on being a loving, gentle, nurturing mother. Unfortunately, one person can only do so much. I reached my limits, then I called in the reserves, and once the reserves were depleted, I was out and beat. I think I only just realized it in the last few months. Now I have been rebuilding myself and re-affirming my identity.

I am a daughter of the Most High King. My goal in life is to be a Saint - to be the best version of myself, one day at a time, and to bring my family to heaven. I am my husband's wife and my children's mother. Nobody can tell me how to live my vocation, because it is mine only. It doesn't matter what people say or think. Their thoughts, words, and opinions, have no affect on who I am. I know my family best. I know how to love them best. I know how my children learn best. I don't need what my friends have or what everyone on pinterest has. I know what I need and I am happy with simple and less. I like my clothes. I wear what I wear, and I don't care if it's not the latest fashion. Same goes with eating. I eat what I eat and I'll eat what my Swiss grandmother and gradfather ate. Bring on the gluten and the cheese.

I have to remind myself daily to TRUST GOD. God loves me. He wants the best for me. He wants to fulfill my deepest dreams and desires. He makes me WHOLE. He never leaves me. He encourages me. He waits for me to come to Him. He knows where we are going. I don't need to worry about when or where we are moving to next. God knows. All I have to do is give Him this day and focus on the NOW. I live here now. This house is my home now. I need to make it home for as long as it is our home.

I like my coffee. I like my hobbies, and I like blogging, but life is not about hobbies and likes, it's about people. It's about family. I will focus my time on my husband and children. There will be plenty of time for hobbies when I am a granny.

That's who I am, and that's all for now.
=)